The week the earth stood still

Tuesday morning I got the call. "Significant abnormalities" were seen on my husband's recent CT scan.

I asked "what significant abnormalities?" I thought my cell phone dropped carrier as my question was met with total silence.

"Hello? Are you still there?"
"yes. I'm still here."
"What significant abnormalities?"
silence.
"Hello?!"
"I'm here. I just, I just don't know how to tell you this."
and then the earth froze.

A string of frantic phone calls, hurried appointments, and emails ensued, but the earth has not turned. We have moved through a vacuum. Words and information bounce off some invisible force field surrounding me. Everything is flat rather than glossy.

I do what has to be done and no more. My brain has ceased to function for purposes unrelated to my husband's disease and treatment. I have to consciously force my mind to deal with other issues but I'd have an easier time roping a grizzly bear.

This is just week one. After 5 days we don't really know any more for certain than we did at the time of the "Significant Abnormalities" and "must start treatment right away" phone call. All the doctors have told us is that it looks like Lymphoma. We will need lymph node biopsies, bone marrow biopsies and a PET scan to tell us for sure that it is lymphoma, what type of lymphoma and what areas of my husband's body it has infiltrated.

Next week is filling up with appointments. My head is filling up with fog that clears only when called upon to make appointments, or to call one doctor to tell him the other doctor has left two messages and needs a damned call back NOW. Nothing is in focus. I'm not even sure that I'm remembering to blink.